Its My Bus And I Am Going To Cry If I Want To

Normally I am the strong one in our family – The One Who Has To Hold The Shit Together when its hitting the fan. The one who finds solutions when there is an issue to deal with, the one who looks at the bigger picture and finds answers that will work.

Yesterday, My cup was empty, and there was nothing to refill it back up.

Well Friday I didn’t. I didn’t hold it together at all. Its My Bus And I Am Going To Cry If I Want To !!! You see I had unpacked our Campervan stuff back into our Motorhome Monday morning. I had packed up our Motorhome for a trip north – we were going to head out on the road either Wednesday or Thursday.

Cause David had purchased all of the parts he needed to fix the Black/White Smoke.

He had spoken to the mechanic who pointed us into the direction of a New Push Rod. New Head Gasket, and all of the other stuff that needed to be looked at/replaced.

He said “Its an easy fix, will only take a few days” – Famous last words.

This Bedford Bus has tested us in every way possible – and then some more. We have spent way too much money on it to have it sit there. Those big heavy springs have only been replaced not long ago.

And then that’s another issue – the longer it sits still the more likely the brakes will need doing {yeah he has done them too} cause its meant to be travelling, not sitting still on its wheels.

The more it doesn’t turn its wheels the more stuff needs replacing that we have already spent our money replacing…..

When all of the parts were replaced, all of the grease smeared from the front door to the cupboards, to the floors to the ceiling {Gee how can grease on two hands spread so far? No Idea}, when it started up for the first time since we got back into the Motorhome on Monday it still was pouring out black smoke……which turns to white smoke when he takes his foot off the accelerator.

The easy fix was soon a puzzle, it was taking its toll on both of us, turning us upside down and around the bend. We were going around in circles with “What if its this” or “What if its that” talks.

David was up late every night, trying to research what was going on with so much smoke.

He was up very early every morning pulling that stupid engine cover off, and creating more grease. I was cleaning it up as fast I could, and then escaping with our boys to the local water parks {gee there are some great free water parks in the Blacktown/Doonside area}, and trying to cook dinner around all of the parts on the floor, trying to find toilets near by for number 2’s and trying to keep up with the hand washing of clothes.

Nurragingy Reserve Doonside Water Park ::

Nurragingy Reserve Water Park


Nurragingy Reserve Doonside


Blacktown Showgrounds Water Park ::

Water Playground


Blacktown Water Park


And then there was the water issues – our small tanks underneath the bus wasn’t letting us fill them up to the top so we kept on running out of water – David had to reverse the Pump underneath the lounges to pump water from Drinking containers into the tanks – endless task taking up way too much precious time.

I was still smiling, and still saying “It will work, will be on the Road”.

Until Thursday night….the deadline was gone. We had no choice.

On Friday morning I had to re-find our suitcases – remember I had packed everything away.

Then I had to make a list of everything and anything that I could think of that we would need for however long we are going to be north……still forgot all of our birth certificates which I hope we don’t need.

We had to leave by Friday afternoon, was aiming for around 4.00 pm but there was no way I was leaving my bus behind in a huge greasy mess. She deserved better than that….All of her white cupboards were cleaned, The fridge was cleaned out, the beds were made, the floors were mopped, the food was taken out of the cupboards, and she was locked up.

I cried mopping those floors….how many times have I cursed that stupid bus for having to have so many repairs needed to be done on it yet at the same time I love that stupid bus for being our home on wheels.

Yeah Yeah I know – stupid female hormones. Just shut up already…..

But all I could see was our dream slipping away, and nothing ahead. The light had be turned off Friday/yesterday – and the tunnel was black.

Mind you I am one that needs at least 12 hours sleep, and yesterday we were going on 24 hours in the car with only a little bit of broken sleep here and there. So I blame my stupid mindset on lack of sleep – that was yesterday excuse. Today I know that I need to look at the brighter side of life. I need to slap on my happy face, if I can find it.

Its My Bus And I Am Going To Cry If I Want To….even if those tears are running down my face, and my thoughts are not as positive as they normally are, if if I have to start looking at somewhere to live/anywhere to live, even if my travelling Australia dreams are fast slipping away….I still have to try and pick myself up today.

Easy Fix ::

The Motorhome can be easily fixed, says David.

But I am not holding my breath. The Bedford is a classic, she is a beauty, and I will always love her. But she is not for our family travelling needs. She is too small – be perfect for a family of three of four…not for a family of seven.

When we first started our quest to look for more out of life, more from life, and I purchased the bus on eBay without telling hubby, without seeing it, I was full of hope and dreams for our family of seven.

Years later reality is different. Our boys have grown up, leaving home for the navy {so very proud of them} and we are still trying to get the bus on the road.

Funny how David always said “Lets travel Australia in our 4wD Car and a Tent” and I said “No Way am I living in a Tent around Australia” – Well I have. I have lived in a Tent and I have survived it, and I have seen so much of Australia in many different ways.

Our Family Tent


So we don’t need our Bedford Comair bus to keep going…..we are going to keep the dream alive but its going to be different.  I am not sure of the details as yet, not sure of what I am doing today let alone the next year. I am not a big planning person. But I do have the burning desire for the bigger picture, the smaller details will take care of itself.

Family First ::

My family. They are my life. They came first.

Once you get to know me then you will be my friend for life. I tend to stick up and fight causes strongly that I believe in….and there is nothing I wouldn’t do for my family. Nothing I wouldn’t do for their safety.

They are the reasons why I purchased the bus {can’t go into financial details to protect my family but lets say if we didn’t have the bus four years ago we would have been living in a car}

So I am hearing their wishes…they want to be in a House. My boys and My Hubby have those needs – I don’t. I can’t bear the thought of all that House Work again – my kids are messy kids {like father, like sons} So I end up cleaning heaps all day long without looking like I have done anything all day……such a waste of time.

Yet I am having to look at places in the coming week for us to live in. I am putting their needs first, and my itchy feet will have to be dealt with somehow….not sure how but I just know that it will all work out okay. Everyone’s needs will have to be taken care of.

These shoes are made for walking


In the end it always has, so it will always will. Believe and it will be true.

The sun is out again, and my tears are less… I am going to put my big girl pants on, put on my brave face, dry up my tears, and head out the door for adventure today.

I am off exploring, filling my camera with many more memories, my heart with more beautiful places and creating memories that one day I hope my boys look back on fondly.

Saying Thanking You All ::

So I am sorry if I was a bit negative yesterday – I should learn to stay offline when I don’t have anything nice to say {Yeah We Lost More “Likes” on our Facebook Page yesterday cause I shared the truth} but sometimes its not all rosy and happy campers.

Sometimes its not all easy, sometimes its reality and its raw. And sometimes its bloody hard to be the rock in the family.

Would love to say “Thanks” to all of your wonderful support, your amazing words of encouragement, your hints/tips and solutions. Thanks for letting us use the phone and calling a friend {or two} with great advice….you all mean so very much to us.

David didn’t want to ask on our facebook page for any help – he didn’t want me to put up the video of the black/white smoke cause he is not one to admit that we need help….a bit like when we are driving, and we are lost, and we see someone who could help with directions but again he doesn’t like to ask for help.

Where as I wanted that video up on our Facebook Page because I knew our friends could help us. I knew that our “Community” was there to help with any suggestions for our Bedford Repairs. And for that I couldn’t say thanking you enough.

Now what do we do with our Motorhome? Well I Have Plans for her…..its just going to take a lot of planning in the next 12 months, something I am not good at but will have to be.

Will I still be sharing our adventures here on New Life on the Road? Yep of course – I have lots of our journey to share, and many more travel adventures ahead for this year.

Now pass me the tissues, tell me to shut up already and lets get this journey on the road!

Are You The Rock In Your Family?

If you are then take care to keep  your cup filled, be kinder to yourself, you are so precious so love yourself as well as those around you.



New Life on the Road

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7 thoughts on “Its My Bus And I Am Going To Cry If I Want To

  • February 15, 2015 at 12:47 pm

    Wowee….this was a powerful post, Lisa. I’m TERRIBLY sorry the Bedford has been giving you fits for so long now! Obviously I’ve followed this story the entire way for the past couple of years and will finally ask a question that has been sitting with me for the longest time. You guys have been putting money into what seems like a bottomless pit of stress, frustration and heartache. Do NOT misunderstand…I completely understand your love for “her” and that “she” has been your home. But, life can be so short and you know that as well as anyone Lisa. Why not purchased a “new” used motorhome that has a warranty and make payments instead of putting the $$ to where all these fix-it costs are going to?? It just tears at my heart to see you going through this, my dear. You are strong and continue to get stronger every day through this. I just have finally had to ask if you could consider a different mobile “home” that would be reliable for you! Sending lots and heartfelt hugs…. 🙂
    Mike recently posted..Grand Hyatt In Seattle, Washington – Comfort And Familiarity

    • February 15, 2015 at 1:31 pm

      Oh Mike, you are brilliant – asking the question that I have had deep within for so very long….she is a bottomless pit that keeps on sucking our money.
      And we do need a “newer” used Motorhome that does have a warranty and that can travel cause life is way too short {yeah we both know that one well}.
      I need to read your words…I need to gather my strength again – and Yes we do need a more reliable Home on Wheels.
      I have been looking at Caravan’s but hubby doesn’t like the lack of quality of work they put into making them {being a caravan builder he can see how little it cost to buy the materials compared to how much they are selling them for}, I have been looking at bigger Buses but I am not sure that is the way to go either….
      Now to convince hubby to “Let Go” of our beloved home and spend our time travelling instead of fixing….the answers will come, I just need to search deeper within, trust and let go.
      Thanking you for being here all of the time, and for your support. I am so glad you stuck around and you asked the questions that I have been asking within. Love sent your way xxx

  • February 15, 2015 at 3:09 pm

    Cry, scream, yell, stamp your feet, whatever it takes – do it for as long as you need to get it out of your system and to feel better. Life is still taking you travelling though, just in a different way than you thought it would right now. Refill that cup of yours – physically (huge cup of tea?) and metaphorically and let life take you where it will. Those shoes that have many miles left protect your feet so that you can land on them, even if you can’t see it right now. Keep on going & keep on sharing your adventure with us please. I may not comment every time, but I do enjoy reading about where you are particularly as so many places are familiar to me. A big, big hug to you. xx

    • February 16, 2015 at 11:52 am

      Thanking you so much Karen for your wonderful love, and support. I sure could do with a good scream!!! I think I have cried enough tears to fill up a bucket….and yeah my shoes are ready for more adventures.
      Life is a challenge sometime, and my cup was empty the other day….but I can see how to refill it and to move on differently. The dream of travelling is still there, its just a different way of making that dream come true.
      Thanking you so much for reading, I am so very sorry that I don’t connect with you more on your blog -its been hard travelling with no power/no internet….sure do have lots of great places to share here xxx

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