Our choices were made, and we had many to choose from! Over the last week I had to let my oldest Son make his own choices. We had many talks…..I was on my best behaviour – I did not cry or stop him from stating what he wanted to do. I listening and I agreed. It was time for our oldest to make his own choices/his own decisions and it was time to accept that he was ready to grow.
Today Was The Day
Yesterday he went into town and brought his train ticket back to his mates house. He made the calls to his mate, and spoke to his mates parents. He asked me to speak for him, but I stated that this was his decision, and his choice so he needed to make the call. Maybe that was too hard of me, and maybe I should have spoken to the parents of where he is staying but for me to let him go, I needed to step back.
I needed to make the choice of not saying anything to the other family….actually I was not sure if I was able to speak on the phone without crying or saying something that I would later regret. That was the only way I was able to accept that Today Was The Day, and drive into town to say Goodbye. I know that in my heart he is going to be fine, and I know that he will be taken care of, but it was still a day that I wanted to happen a few years from now! Not today!
The Running Around
I never thought of what he would need for him to leave home. He needed his own Medicare Card, and a copy of his Birth Certificate, and also needed clothes for work. Tomorrow is his first shift back at the job that he had last year. He is over the moon, because they are training him to run the store, and he goes back to where he feels comfortable.
He likes to know people around him, and he needs to feel comfortable with the area he lives in! Gosh is he going to have to adjust when he is in the Navy! So the morning was a mad rush to get into town, as we had to leave home early. Even the breakfast dishes were waiting for us when we got back. While we were in town we went to Medicare, and shopping for clothes. We made it to the train station in time to check his bags in, and had about 10 minutes before the train pulled in. The fact that we did not have much time to sit around was probably a good thing – it meant that I did not have time to say no! I did not have time to ask him to stay….I had to accept that Today was the Day that our older son is now taking responsibility for his own life
Looking Back On His Childhood
He is over 17 years of age, and he is way taller then me, but the years have gown by far too quickly. I feel like I have not made all the right choices for him, and have taken him away from his high school and his friends when he was not ready. I feel like I never said how much I loved him enough. I feel like there was so many places around Australia that I so wished he had seen and I wont be able to show him. I feel like I wasted a lot of his growing years worried about silly things that don’t matter now. I feel like he is too young to be out there in the big wide world. But I have learnt in the last few weeks, that I need to trust. I need to trust that he is going to be OK. I need to trust that he is going to be happy. I need to trust that he is making the right choices. He is telling me, and I need to listen. Today Was The Day.