We have parented two teenage sons already, and I think they turned out rather fine – it was touch n go there for a few years, on if they would survive those crazy hormone moments, it was touch n go if our marriage would survive, basically it was a rocky few years and they both came out the other side.
Now We Are On The Ride Again
Why? Why do hormones kick in with our boys, and why do they kick in HARD? If you breeze through your children growing from children to teenagers to adult hood I so would love to know your secret recipe!!
We have tried every thing we can think of to deal with the situations that arises. We have tried talking, we have tried agreeing, we have tried listening even when they scream, we have tried not allowing them to go out with their mates/girlfriends when they cross the line and hurt others.
It worked mostly with our older two.
Now we have changed parenting styles with our younger three {we no longer use smacking them on their bottom because frankly that never ever fixes the issue and they don’t even understanding why they are getting smacked in the first place – and when they reach a certain age smacking seems so stupid because they are taller than me} We don’t take anything away from them because they live with less stuff so there isn’t anything that is important to them.
Smacking is out.
Gentle Parenting Style ~ Does It Work?
We more or less do a totally different parenting style with everything with them – even our older two sons have said to both David and I “Gee we had it way harder when we were younger compared to our brothers“
I don’t think that they have it easier, but they have it different.
I no longer want to parent with screaming {so very guilty of doing that so many times} when they do something that I am not happy about. I now realise that I have taught them to scream when they can’t get there own way so I try to speak in a calmer softer voice/way when talking with them.
The physical hitting is something that we are all dealing with at the moment. And its not a good feeling.
I never ever want one of my boys to think its OK to hurt others. I never ever want my boys to think its because the other child deserved it. I never ever want one of my boys to be cruel to others and later on down the track they look back on their childhood wishing they could have done things differently.
What I Like ::
Is my boys to care about others.
To show they have a heart that loves others.
To go out of their way to make others feel safe, to feel they are important and to know that my boys are showing their kindness.
Yet I am not sure what I need to be doing for this to happen. I am lost here….and I am asking for guidance. We are talking with others who have parented teenagers before, and I am listening to what they have to share.
The ways I used to parent doesn’t work. So I am changing within so that my boys can see the difference.
Can We Survive This Stage? Sure hope so, sure hope that my other boys turn out as well as my older two who strive towards their goals, who care about others and who I am very proud of.
Things happen for a reason, journey’s are there for a reason, but I am up against a brick wall for the moment, trying to find my way over it without hurting others, without damaging my youngest, without damaging my marriage.
Trying to work out how to climb over it or go around it. Right this minute I would gladly smash through it so that there was no brick wall, with my bare hands.
Joking ::
The other day David and I joked around ~ who would have who if we ever went our separate ways, to be honest I could easily say that I only want my younger two. Not proud of that. But that’s the facts.
He joked around that I couldn’t get a divorce if I only took the younger two!!! Guess you could say that we both need a break from this scene. Both need time out – Yippee Melbourne Trip you are coming at the right time 🙂
Wished we had a magic wand, I would wave it through the air and ask the teenage years to be skipped over completely. From the age of 12 until they are 18 please, skipped – forget it, don’t need any more grey hairs !!
Can You Offer Any Tips That Worked With Your Teenagers?
So that we can safely all survive these rocky years, so that no-one around us gets hurt anymore? So that I am not having to deal with certain meetings? So that the anger is gone, and the happiness is around?
I would love Laughter, Fun Times And Happiness Please Mr and Mrs Universe….are you listening? Yes Universe Give Us A Break – Give Us Something To Smile About.
Give me something to get up in the morning for. Give us all something to work towards so that we are all happy.
Not asking for much am I?
Today was the last time I want to deal with this situation.
Lets move on, Lets Celebrate the good times and Lets hope that we come out of this tunnel stronger, happier, safer and let the good times roll 🙂
Universe – I am asking
Universe – I am now trusting
Universe – I am now looking forward to better moments
You better be listening to what I want!!
Can We Survive This? Guess we have two times already, gee I am going to be completely grey when our youngest is grown up and moved out of home 🙂
What Was Your Sons/Daughters Teenagers Years Like?
Give it to me….tell me what I can do to make it better.
Thanking you for following Our Journey.
Cheers
Lisa
mmm tricky one. I have been so lucky with my 3 – so far. Not sure what we are doing but seem to have very minimum issues. Each child is so different even though they are bought up the same. Not sure what you can do though Lisa but I really hope he realises he has a family who loves him and doesn’t do anything which is going to hurt you in the future. Hope things improve and have a fantastic time away.
Thanks Jackie 🙂
Wow, this is amazingly candid post, Lisa. Good for you for sharing! Like Jackie said it’s a tricky one. As you know, aside from Phoenix, I don’t have any children though I did help raise to young boys many years ago. A fantastic experience btw. But, from my own childhood, I’m very anti-smacking. I believe in communication and with teenagers that can seem impossible at times I’m sure. I listen to my parent friends always and a lot of times it’s just riding the storm, keeping them safe and them knowing they always call you and/or talk to you. Loved, loved this post 🙂
Thanks Mike, so can we send him on over to your place? You can have fun training him!!!
We are taking each day and each moment as they come, sure hope the teenage years are easier with our other boys 🙂
I do not have any teenagers and actually do not look forward to the day when Mr4 hits the hormones.
I am not much help there, but it does help to know that you, like me, has an issue with yelling and smacking, but they do rear their ugly head and the guilt is rather unpleasant.
I also know that Rachel from The kids are alright writes specifically about teen issues. You may wish to check out her blog for ideas and support.
Good luck and yes, you will survive this!
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Thanks Becc for letting Lisa know about TKAAR – that’s very kind of you 🙂
Rachel @ The Kids Are All Right recently posted..Teenager’s guide to babysitting – Updated
Thanks Becc for your kind support, and words. Sure hope your young one has an easier time with teenage years xxx
And thanks for the recommendation to “The Kids are alright” – have being looking at it and reading up 🙂
Oh, Lisa. Big hugs. I’m not there with the teenage thing yet but I know it’ll hit us before we know it! I think it’s also interesting how you’ve changed your parenting styles through the years. Means that your growing and learning just as your own children do. And that can only be a good thing x
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Thanking you Grace, it sure is a huge learning curve and one that I sure hope finishes soon 🙂
Oh Lisa, I can feel your pain, that you’re hurting. My four boys are so much younger than you, but I know with certainty that parenting is hard. I applaud you for searching for better ways. This is the first step. And for asking for help. More mothers need to brave enough to ask for help. I’m proud of you. Be gentle on yourself. And I’m sure, eventually, all will be okay. This is what I always tell myself. But I’m wishing away the toddler years! Xx
I am so needing anything to keep my head above the water line at this point in time!! Its not the most easiest thing asking for help but I feel like I need to do something/anything/everything to help the situation that we are living through.
Sure hope these teenage years go faster 🙂
I think getting kids out to test their independence in safe envirnknments is a good way to stretch and grow teens. A well known psychologist Andrew fuller said meeting knew people was a risky thing for all people and so he took his two to an elephant orphanage where they met new people and tested their independence too. I like that idea because it’s something the family can do together.
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what a great idea! And yes he sure is testing us out at the moment, and pushing every boundary under the sun!! We know that it will be easier soon, just wished it was over already 🙂
I think most parents of kids who are teenagers right now find it tricky – some more than others of course, due to so many varying factors. I am a bit like you – I’m the touchy, feely parent who listens to their feelings and negotiates 🙂 And when you treat them with that kind of respect it can be even harder when they let you down with their behaviour. I sometimes wonder if it would have been easier to be more hardline, like my parents were! But then I know I wouldn’t have the good relationship that I have with my teenager. If I was to be completely honest, I don’t really enjoy parenting these years either. There are some great periods and moments, but overall I have found it very challenging, and unfortunately too often find myself looking forward to the 18th birthday. Please do join us on our forum where you may find other parents having similar feelings. All the best Lisa!
Rachel @ The Kids Are All Right recently posted..Teenager’s guide to babysitting – Updated
Thanking you for your honesty. Its not the most easiest time ever but I sure hope it ends well soon with all of us still friends 😉 And sure hope he goes onto being happy with whatever he decides he wants from life.
Hi, I’m a new follower and have been enjoying ‘catching up’ on your journey. My daughters are now 25,23 & 19 so I suppose I can say I have survived, with family and marriage intact but also with my very fair share of grey hair! Our girls are fantastic young women and I did give myself a rare parenting pat on the back when the youngest turned 18 – we had successfully got all 3 to 18 years, all with good high school results, no pregnancies and no arrests… 🙂 However I also was & remain filled with doubt & insecurity about how to go about the whole parenting gig! I think the fact that you’re bothering to evaluate and change your parenting style is enough…it means you’re tuned in to your kids, that you know that different things work for different kids and most importantly you care enough to acknowledge when you’ve made mistakes. Your boys don’t need you to be perfect, they need love & they need boundaries. For our girls, we’ve been close enough that for the most part telling them how much their behaviour/actions had delighted or alternately disappointed us was enough; they were keen to please us and MOSTLY that was a way to get their attention. I wish I could tell you the magic method but of course there isn’t one. Keep on doing what you’re doing, being clear and honest with your boys, having good examples and role models around them & being willing to readily forgive and forget – for them and yourself – I think you’re going to look back and be very happy. Best of luck 🙂
You have no idea how much your kind words and support mean to us – thanking you so very much.
I am so glad that we are not alone with our parenting of teenage years, and I love hearing from those that have walked the steps before us – and yes has survived even with Grey Hairs 🙂
We are needing a lot of time at the moment, time to work out what we are doing and how to make it easier for all of us. The hormones are raging but we are trying to let him make his way without making too many mistakes that will last a life time.
Sure is easier when they reach 18 🙂