I have thought about writing this post, then not writing it, then how do I write it, then what do I share and what don’t I share about sex. And will anyone want to read this shit anyway? Like who cares? It’s personal and it’s not pretty and it’s the real-life shit that most people don’t want to know about.
You Share Deep Shit
I have a friend who once told me “Lisa, You Share some deep shit” Yep I do! I rather share deeply then go through life with no soul. Sometimes my mouth speaks the truth too much and gets me into trouble!!
Why Is Sex So Not A Subject To Talk About?
Then I woke up today and I thought why the hell not just spill the guts and glory and share that Motorhome Living Will Test A Marriage. Let’s Talk About Sex Baby, let’s talk about you me, let’s talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be, let’s Talk about Sex.
It’s true. This way of living with less is great – I love it – but at the same time it’s very hard work. Like super hard. How can anyone be expected to keep their marriage alive with no privacy? No time to create moments of time together.
We have been married for way tooooo long. And we no longer have to put the time into thinking about what the other person is thinking about, cause we know each other so well. Which is not a good thing, cause there is no effort being put in.
Combine our living situation, our lack of time and our lack of privacy {you can not have a screaming orgasm with your teenagers living in the same motorhome}- we are only home one day a week together, and its a recipe for a disaster. Heading fast on a one-way roller coaster road to the big “D” word.
And there isn’t anyone to blame. Its not about blaming each other for the siuation we are in – we created it. “We made our beds, now we lay in it”
Motorhome Living Is Tricky
Its not for the faint hearted. It can and it will destroy a marriage way faster than any other living set up. I have seen and heard of a few marriages that have gone done the “D” route. They couldn’t cope and it broke them apart.
The last 12 months we have been pushed to the limits and beyond. The lack of time, the lack of effort, the lack of anywhere to have our own privacy and then the lack of wanting to make any time cause I am bloody exhausted at the end of each day. It takes a huge commitment to get over all of that shit and move forward.
Add to the fact that you find yourself in a new territory of the previously unknown scene. Where you find out that you are no longer the important person in a marriage that used to be based on two people – where you are not able to meet their needs so that they are seeking their own needs through other people.
And where you find out that you are not the only person they seek out on a daily basis. Its a huge blow to your own self-esteem and one where you have no idea if you could easily get over it, move on and make the marriage work. One where you want to run away from, but one where you have been married for so very long so how can you walk away from that commitment?
Where you are own needs are not being meet, but they are providing needs to another person. Where your own self love is in question – your body is not what it used to be so why would they desire you let alone anyone else have any desire for you?. Its a recipe for conflict, anger, unresolved deep laying issues that will either be pushed aside or maybe dealt with when you are fighting about something else.
How can anyone survive a marriage where so many issues have arisen from changing the relationship of that marriage?
How can anyone feel trust between them when they don’t trust themselves? Its like a train wreck that is out of control, and you are standing on the platform – watching it go down – without being able to control it, stop it or redirect it.
SO do you keep the marriage intact with two people or do you open up yourself to the possibilities or what others have done previously? Where it becomes a self loving open relationship for others to connect within the couple?
There are many books on the subject of how “Love” can be with many different people – and many examples of many different types of relationships – but being true to yourself is the only way anyone can be really happy. Even if that means the marriage is no longer going to work the way it was, or the marriage is over.
Marriage isn’t easy – its bloody hard work. It takes time and it takes love. Without the love, time and effort nothing will work for anyone. To make it work and to make it last there have to be two people working together as one.
Any Easy Solutions?
Nope. There is no easy magic pill to take that will help to make it all better. The truth is that Motorhome Living Will Test A Marriage. And if you don’t believe that then you are living a bullshit lie. Because with no bedroom door, and nowhere to escape for sex then you will see for yourself how fast a marriage can fall apart.
Solutions To Keep The Marriage Alive
Finding time.
Making time.
Taking time together and time away from each other.
Putting in the effort. Listening to the other person. Not speaking, but listening.
Communicaton – there is the biggest issue of any marriage. The lacking of talking, or saying something that cuts deep and doesn’t go away, or the way you say something and it gets taken the wrong way or not saying something and still gets taken the wrong way.
Helping the other person with things that need to be done around the motorhome so there is time together at the end of the day.
Escaping from the pressure of the situation that we are in. Yes running away – so wished I had run away and joined the circus as a Massage therapist!!
There is that saying that I love –
Never Be Too Busy Making a Living That You Dont Make A Life.
Never ever put everyone needs above your own – if you feel like you need to take time away, alone then go Traveling Solo in A Spaceship. You have to have your own time to be able to give to another person. Anything is possible – if you want it bad enough.
The other saying I love And Live by –
If you want it bad enough, you will find a way.
If You Don’t Want It Bad Enough, You will find a way.
You will either make it work, or you won’t.
So I would love to hear from you – I want to know the deep stuff that you are dealing with. Lets get personal – share your real world. Not the instagram ready snaps, not the facebook fake world imagines that everyone shares – share the stuff that takes the layers away to the real you.
Life Teaches Us All Lessons. They will either break you, make you stronger, or lead you to where you need to be.
Life is short, if you don’t follow your heart and your dreams you will find out at the end of your life that you will have so many regrets.
If your dream scares you, then it’s big enough. If your dream doesn’t scare you, make it bigger.
Same goes for a marriage. If you are in the same situation as us – then you need to make it work by getting out of your comfort zone. By making it work – by either taking risks and changing what you have been doing.
If you don’t you will end up with a person who lives alongside you, but who you don’t even know.
Kids will be gone and grown up, and there will be nothing to share or to say to each other.
The harder solution?
I know you are thinking its the “D”. But in actual fact a Divorce is not the harder solution – that is the easy way out. The harder solution is working out together if the marriage is worth saving or worth letting it go. Working together to either love each other again or love each other enough to walk away. And that there folks are the real deep personal shit that I share with you.
So Enough Of The Deep Shit……
Now onto the lighter stuff – Who the fuck can make a bedroom door fit into our motorhome so we can have some privacy 🙂
Until Then Share Your Deep Shit.
We want to hear from you. Our wonderful readers to New Life on the Road. If I can take a leap and share how our Motorhome Living Will Test A Marriage, even our own Marriage, then surely you can share something deep about you?
** I almost deleted this so many times, and I din’t hit publish for almost a day – this shit is scary to share **
Cheers
Lisa
New Life on the Road.
Thanks for you honesty Lisa. It was a very truthful read. When we built our motor home this was one of the first things we considered and so we put a bathroom between us and the kids with 2 sliding doors. As you may know we’ve had 6 more kids on the road so that says it all. But one thing for sure is that yes it’s hard to be quiet and as for the rocking we always blame the wind.”Geez it was windy last night”.
Cheers Peter
smiling about that wind!!! Must happen a lot over the years so that you guys could have fun creating 6 more kids – we love that you have a bathroom between you and the kids, and doors 🙂
The perfect way to live and travel and still have your own time to connect as a couple. Dave and I are so lacking at the moment – it’s testing us big time. In every way possible. Can’t believe you read this and left a comment, thanking you so much xxx <3
Sure hope guys get your Motorhome back asap and follow your dreams to get those camels xxx
We live in a house not a motorhome but even so with our adult son still living at home … let’s just say it cramps our style 😉 . He is planning to move out later this year, much as we love him, it’s time!
SO hear you!!! It’s so hard having kids around all of the time – but it’s our own fault as well. We are not taking the time out of our crazy world to put the effort in and we so should be. Its a case of trying to do too much at once, and forgetting about what is important in life. Hope you have your house to yourself asap – mind you, it will be grandkids before we all know it 🙂